On Purpose.

Life is meant to be lived. Not recklessly or without precaution, but also not with so much caution that we get caught up in the mundane living. I want to live life on purpose. I am living life on purpose, because I've been given a purpose. We've all been given a purpose. This life --and everything after-- is bigger than any of us can imagine, but we have a part to play. We have to do.

Think bigger. Stop thinking so much is out of reach. Sometimes you just have to jump with both feet, clenching your nose, heart racing with adrenaline, but knowing this is all going to be such a blast. Or like running full force, not knowing if you'll be first place, but you'll run like all heck--with everything in you, because the wind against your face feels exhilarating, the times you fell and bruises you've received don't compare to the excitement at the end.
Think kinder. Don't just mean to do good or have good intentions; just do good, be good. Raise the bar for yourself to love harder. When we raise the bar for ourselves, we're inadvertently raising the bar for others.

I know I can be self centered and self seeking a lot of times. I can also be very insecure and indecisive. God is the most patient and gracious teacher. I'm learning about sitting in the quiet stillness and to just listen, I'm learning about how important it is to have the eyes of my heart open and sensitive to God's spirit, I'm learning about how to receive correction, I'm learning to walk in love, I'm learning...
I learn best when I'm open and willing. It's not easy; it's being able to be vulnerable, it's letting your flaws hang out, but well worth it.

I think I hold back because I've become complacent and because fear holds me back. I hate being a disappointment and it can be intimidating to put myself out there without knowing the outcome. It's amazing to see what can happen when you trust God, seek Him, and go for it--full throttle. For too long I've let myself get crushed by the words of others, for too long did I live my life to please others, for too long I've coasted, for too long I've thought the life was this little bubble I had put myself in...

I want to live a life that is unashamed; filled with God's glory and wonder. 

I thank God for a boyfriend that thinks bigger and just goes for it. I thank God for friends who encourage living and loving out of the box. I thank God for friends who are fearless and even when they may be fearful, they go for it. I thank God for family members and friends who love me even when I'm selfish or mess up. All that everyone is to me, I pray I can be --in some part-- to others.


xo

Stuck.

I've found myself at a loss for words lately.

It's like I'm stuck in some crazy sticky substance and instead of taking myself out by pulling, dragging, jerking, and yanking, I've just sat there-- tired, sometimes lonely, and sighing. It's no one's fault and there may not be any particular reason why I'm in this place, but it's where I am.

When people are talking to me, pouring their hearts out, or venting,  I'm at a loss for words.
When people are rejoicing and jumping up and down with joy, I'm at a loss for words.
When I'm struggling and frustrated, I'm at a loss for words.
Even when I'm worshiping and praying, I've been at a loss for words.

I can try the 10 steps to happiness, or the 435 strategies of highly effective people, or a walk in the sunshine, or 26 steps to super sized faith, but I'm finding that the only true remedy is to seek God. Praying, venting, and devoting to him drives and pushes me. Reading His word empowers and enlightens me.

I'm also learning that there isn't always something to say. Crying along side someone is ok, listening is an art, and jumping up and down beside the person rejoicing is beautiful. Actually, it's better to not know what to say and stay silent than not knowing what to say and saying something "just because."

So much has happened since I last posted and so much going on, you'd think I'd want to post about that.
I don't know. Maybe I'm at a loss for words AND in a weird funk. One of those days, you know?

But I'm grateful and blessed. That I know.

Look Up.

What do you do when...

...two college semesters in a row go wonderfully,
...you feel so alone,
...you lose a dear friend to a tragic accident,
...you have the best times with the people you love most,
...school is over and you're faced with the scary reality,
...you go on a life-changing trip with some of the most caring, loving, sweet people,
...you're left dumb-founded and speechless,
...your heart aches,
...you feel so overwhelmingly loved,
...you miss the mark,
...you hit the mark spot on,
...you make mistakes,
...you're triumphant.

You look up to where your help, comfort, and provision come from. You look up to whom all grace and mercy flow. Whether it be during the most victorious moments in life or in the darkest moments in life-- I will look up; even when I have questions, when I'm confused, when I don't understand-- I will look up; and when I feel on top of the world, victorious, fist pumping in the air awesome-- I will look up.

Life and its experiences have provoked and even dared me to carefully examine what I believe to be true. It has challenged what I've always believed to be truth. It's made me seek out God in a real way. I've had to come face to face with the fact that God truly is my life line and foundation. He's my life line during my desperate search for answers, during my job search, during my emotional breakdowns, during the most joyous times, during life as a complete whole. I am incomplete without Jesus Christ. I am lost without the grace and love of God. All I am is in Him-- forever and always.

Grace is a gift. Mercy is granted. I am forever loved.




Growth continues.

I Once Knew a Boy...

I knew a boy with beautiful big blue eyes, that looked right into mine when I spoke; so intently and attentive.
I knew a boy who's smile showed every single tiny tooth, that shined brightly and boldly.
I knew a boy who could never really grow much facial hair, just random hairs sporadically grown unevenly on his face.
I knew a boy who was always up for a good deep discussion-- anything from music, to food, to people, to the color of the sky.
I knew a boy who's dance moves where unlike any other you've seen.
I knew a boy who's height was unusual, but it matched him perfectly. He was perfectly unusual.
I knew a boy who spoke from the heart, he said I love you and meant it.
I knew a boy who's intellect and heart seemed to go hand in hand quite impressively.
I knew a boy who wanted to love and be loved.
I knew a boy who inspired.
I knew a boy who's hug would warm the coldest of hearts.
I saw a boy grow into an admirable man.
I saw a man change his life.
I saw a man change the lives of others.
I miss him. I miss Christiano.

One month ago, today, the 'earth- life' of this precious young man ended; it seemed so quickly and abruptly. I hated the thought of having to say goodbye to him and even though it seems so cliché, it's true when they say it's, "see you later." I hated looking at his family and knowing they have to live with the reminder, everyday, that he will not walk into their home again. These people are my family; they hurt, I hurt. I love Christiano. He was my friend, my sweet little brother. Around this time I'd be checking on him and congratulating him on almost finishing his 1st college semester. Sometimes I wonder, has this really hit me? Do I really understand that I'm not just going to see him around anymore? I'm honestly not sure if it's really hit me or not. One month later and I'm still processing, I might be processing for a while.  But I have a hope. My hope is in Christ, exactly where Chris' hope was and is.

To know he is in a painless, whole, and happy state in heaven brings me some joy. To know he is face to face with His Almighty Savior elates me. During this time, I tried so hard to be there for others. My goal was to comfort others; Great intentions, but my actions wore me out. I realized that I needed that sweet presence of God in my life; refilling myself, in order to give; Letting God work thru me in every way possible in order for anything to be truly meaningful or effective. I'm not talking about a 'feel good' type thing for just a moment, but an alive and very real occurrence and reoccurrence that is special and unique to God-- only He can give it, no one else. God is my ultimate provider and comforter, in return, I am a reflection of that and am able to rest in God and know He has and will continue to work thru me.

But man, I'll miss him a lot.

Christiano- Never forgotten, forever loved. 

Forever Bond...

It's been over a month that I came home from one of the most amazing trips ever. The second I got home from Guatemala, reality smacked me in the face. Life, here in America; little Rhody; in Providence city, started right off where I left it. It almost left me no time to reflect, it almost caused me to forget, it almost caused me to just come back into the routine of things without a change in my heart and without a care for what I had experienced and witnessed. ALMOST, almost, almost....

Then, I have these beautifully constructed  moments that bring me back to what I experienced. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it does not have to stick to being just an "experience." The one who showed up and touched me in such an amazing way in Guatemala, lives inside me-- 24/7. I have direct contact with the very creator of those moments. Friends, don't let the busyness of life, situations, and trials take precedence over God. Seek Him, just for who He is. 

Whenever I see the people I went to Guatemala with, my heart leaps with joy. We have a forever bond. Let's never forget the precious moments we had, the sweet hugs we received, the tears we shed, the laughs shared. Let's never forget how God showed up, because of our faithfulness. When people ask me about Guatemala, a light in my eyes brightens and I struggle to find the words to accurately describe all that happened, because so much happened in such a short amount of time. I may not be able to explain what happened in Guatemala, I may not be able to tell how one can not let life get to them and erk them, but I can tell you to seek God. Seek Him and all else will fall into place. Seek him fervently and faithfully. 

May the moments of Guatemala live on forever, may we never forget who God is, may we never lose sight of God-- there is more to be done. We are here for such a time as this. Let's be the vessel, let's be the light, let's be. 

xox

The People

I've cried several times after being back from Guatemala. I wondered, "Why in the world am I crying?"

Then it hit me-- It was the people. The people we came in contact with during our time in Guatemala were some of the most beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. When you looked at their faces you saw: Christ's love in the gentle touch of their hands, sunshine in their smiles, pain and suffering in their eyes, warmth in their dimples, and excitement when I saw their ears perk up in response to us singing, laughing, and praying; both children and adults.

I saw people that did not have much at all:  have the most phenomenal work ethic, have dignity in coming to school with a clean uniform, pray fervently, hug with all that was in them, held their head high- not in a prideful way, but in a way that showcases a survivor type attitude. They are a private, but willing and loving people; they are strong, yet gentle and warm; they are perseverant, yet lowly and meek. The people of Guatemala and the people of Hearts in Action ministry are just plain sweet.

The people of Hearts in Action [ the ministry we partnered with for the trip ] are a people after God's very own heart. They are transforming generations, they are bringing the word of God to the people of Guatemala, they are representatives of God- ambassadors of the most high. Their hearts are so full of the truest, most authentic love-- God's love.

Then I had the most sweetest of moments: the moment I met the child I have been sponsoring for the past two years. The moment was absolutely magical. We had been communicating through letters, we had pictures of each other, and we could not wait to finally meet. We hugged, laughed, cried, prayed, and instantly knew that we were family. I taught some of the kids at the school how to say, " I love you." He kept telling me, "I love you, I love you!" He said it with all enthusiasm and with all sincerity. He loves God and he knows that HE is the ultimate provider. Man oh man, I can't tell you how much spending time with him meant to me.

Haneer and I

Cool Story: We went to a hospital to do outreach. I was very drawn to this woman who was sitting next to her sick daughter. Come to find out, the little girl that was sick went to The Jungle School (The school that is part of Hearts in Action and the school my child goes to). We chit chatted and after about 20 minutes of going back and forth and asking this poor woman 21 questions, I found out that she is Haneer's mother! I met his mother and his sister. It was totally unexpected; actually, God planned it. He knew the very desires of my heart. I had just said that morning to my team, " I would love to meet Haneers's family." Maybe some call it a coincidence, I call it a God-incident. I sobbed in this woman's arms as she prayed over me. SHE prayed over ME. Here I am thinking that I'm going to Guatemala to do a great work and they wouldn't stop blessing me every single day. This is just one of the many beautiful stories about the people I met while there. They are memories that will forever be cherished. Maybe in the future I'll be able to sort through all the amazing memories in my head and be able to justify them by putting them to words in this blog. 

Until next time, folks. 

Post Missions

I'm home, folks!

Guatemala was amazing. If something can be more than amazing, it was exactly that and more. Coming home was bittersweet, more bitter than sweet. I sobbed on my last day in Guatemala. I was overwhelmed by the love bestowed on us during our stay. I've become involved with the ministry [Hearts in Action] in a way that is inexplainable-- not just financially, but now emotionally and spiritually--, I've finally met the child I sponsor for 2 years and now I have to leave him, I absolutely adore the group of people that went to Guatemala with me, and God was turning and moving things inside of me. Honestly, I'm speechless. There are no words to explain what I felt or how I am feeling. There are no words to explain the type of awe that I am in. I mean, I'm sure there is some word in the English vocabulary that can explain, but it just won't be accurate enough.

I picture God's very finger reaching down and just gently tapping my heart and my heart instantly becoming electrified. Yea, I think that's what it must be. I finally said, "Come on God! I'm ready!" I say that and then think, "Oh shoot, maybe i'm not ready," then something as amazing as a missions trip to Guatemala happens and God reminds me that He is with me, guiding me and leading me as long as I am open and willing; what a marvelous thing it is indeed.

It's not that I didn't miss some people, I did. It's just that the people of the ministry we worked with [Hearts in Action] and the people of Guatemala are so beautiful. I've always thought I was a fairly loving person. I pale in comparison to the love out poured on me during the trip. I saw siblings loving on each other in a special and precious way, I saw children who have been forgotten and given away smile at the sight of these goofy Americans bearing gifts, I saw hungry and thirsty families comfort us because our hearts had been so broken at just the sight of them, I saw children's eyes beam the love of Christ, I saw children praying with all they had in them because all they had to hold on to was the precious name of Jesus, I saw God doing a work in us as we poured out of ourselves, I saw God move.

I was frustrated at the thought of coming home. I told God, "There is so much to do here (in Guatemala)!" I was reminded by a friend, that God will continue to provide for the people of Guatemala, they are not a forgotten people to God, they will be freed. I was also reminded by a friend that there is a work to be done back home. I reside in Providence, Rhode Island for such a time as this. This is where I call home right now, it is time I rise up. How? By walking in love, by having a single-minded focus on God's will and pursuing God, by abiding in God, by seeking wisdom, by obeying, and by simply living in Him.

This Guatemala missions trip wasn't about an experience that happened in Guatemala. It's about the work that is to be done. This was like a training camp; preparing me for the future and for now. It wasn't a one time thing that was super awesome, it was a life changing event that super naturally stimulated my very core being.

"Vast ocean of love cannot be measured or explained but it can be experienced." 

Not just once or twice, but ALWAYS.

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." Ephesians 3:17

More posts and pictures coming soon!

Erroneous Excuses

You know that trip you've always longed to make?
You know that relationship you are in that is detrimental to your life and mental well being?
You know that job you've always wanted and desired?
You know that relationship you've been thinking about rekindling?
You know that happiness you've dreamed of?

What has stopped us from living? Living a life of pure contentment and utter pleasure. Instead, we've become anxious and fearful of what could be. We rather stay in this so-so type life, that is mediocre and lacks the appeal of a life filled with wonder and adventure; a better life. We've decided to live and stay in this ordinary life, because it is convenient, comfortable, and let's be honest, we may have become a little lazy.

When will we stop making excuses of the situations we have single handed and ignorantly- or maybe even arrogantly- gotten ourselves into? When will we take responsibility? I'm not saying beat ourselves up and bring ourselves down, but truly looking at life and asking, " What am I doing? & what do I want to do? "

So many things I want to do and this summer has kicked a few of them off. Things I'm scared of doing or I'm a little nervous about, but I know God has laid them on my heart and it is in Him I trust. Opportunities for me have arose and I'm going for it with a thrilled heart and slight (very tiny) feeling of angst.

Live a life that brings glory to God. 
Stretch yourself, you are much more capable than you think you are.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Stop making excuses, if you're doing something you know you shouldn't be doing, stop. Turn away and never look back.
It's okay to be a little scared.
Trust God with all your heart.
Go for it.

I dedicate this post to Vacation Bible School (arts & crafts, especially), whatisthe99.com,

 Guatemala Missions Trip 2013, The Warrior Dash (Sept. '13), 

my last semester of my undergrad career, 

leaving my apartment, new friends I will make, & old friends I've cherished. 

Intertwined

So if you've read the previous two posts, by now you know I'm going on a missions trip to Guatemala. As I prepare for it I wonder, "How much of my personal life is going to affect me preparing for the trip and the trip itself?" I've been fairly emotional these past two weeks. For those that know me, that may not be much of a surprise. Lots going on in head: wanting more of God [first and foremost], dealing with my own insecurities, relationships, church, work, school, knowing what to say and when to say it-- Am I the only one? 

I admit, sometimes I think of stuff way too much. Even writing this, I've stopped a couple times just to let a few tears stream. But anyways...

When I think of stuff too much, I start to loose focus of what God is trying to do. I get caught up in emotion, that I loose the true focus of everything: my sweet Savior. What i'm feeling may be valid, but it doesn't take precedence over God. Things happen. Thru the emotions, thru difficulties, thru triumphs, thru indecisiveness, thru insecurities, thru it all, God is the deliver. He is my rock, my source. 

So does it all affect me preparing for the trip and the trip itself? Yes. In a good God praising way. As I keep my eyes on Him and remain faithful, I can rest assure that all things are being made new.

 It's all intertwined. 

4, 5, & 6...

(See previous post, so this one makes sense)

#4 Realize God is GOD.
I try to figure things out; Why things are the way they are? What can I do to help? How can I help? and so on. I get so caught up in the questions and the wondering, that the reverence and awe of God gets lost in the mix. I forget to stop and just realize that God has a bigger plan. A plan that is hard for my mind to understand or even begin to try and come up with pictures within my limited imagination. God wants me to go to Guatemala, so I go. He'll take care of me.

#5 Trust.
We're so use to failing or people failing us, that it may be hard to trust. BUT God is not a human. His ways are higher- way way higher- than ours. We can not bring him down to our level and try to make sense of it all or compare him to those that may have hurt us or compare him to ourselves. We strive to know him and seek him, in that, we trust and worship him. I don't need to understand everything in order to love God and worship him. I do know that he has taken very good care of me thus far, he will never leave me nor forsake me. He's brought me this far, he'll take me the rest of the way. I'm not sure why God wants me to go to Guatemala, what he will have me do, what my part is, BUT I do know that I am trusting him and I'm going to seek him every single solitary step of the way.

#6 Owning up to the responsibility.
God wants me to go. He has called me and I responded to the call. I want nothing more than Christ alone. In Christ is where I reside. I know God will take care of me, I know I have to trust him, but I have a part to play. I have a responsibility to adhere to. I need to be open, I need to be submissive to the authority above me, I have to fundraise, I have to listen, I have to pray-- but knowing that God has called me to go has made me WANT to do all of those things. It may not always be the easiest thing, but knowing that God has something in store excites me. And in obey and taking on the responsibility, I'm worshipping God. I live for Him.

Man, I'm excited. My thoughts are all jumbled up in my head, I have difficulty putting into words all that I'm learning, expecting, and seeing.

That's all for now.

xo

He knows.

Well, well, well.... Hello my dearest compadres.

EXCITING NEWS: I am going on a missions trip to Guatemala in August!

I will be working with Hearts in Action. HIA has a Jungle School in Peten, Guatemala. They work closely with the impoverished community. The children learn reading, writing, and arithmetic; they also get to learn about how much God loves them and learn all the truth from God's very own word. Lots of exciting things happening over there and I've been so blessed to be a part of their ministry for about 2 years. I have been sponsoring a beautiful little boy who goes to The Jungle School. I financially support his education, materials, and other goodies-- I also write him and just pray for him; love that kid! I get to meet him when I go out there. SO RAD. 

Anyways, the reason I'm telling you all this is because God and I have had some interesting convos since I've decided to go to Guatemala. 

#1 Listen when God is telling you something. 

Last year in January, I felt it on my heart to go Guatemala. I didn't end up going. I was kicking myself when I thought about how I should have just gone. Now I think that may have been prepping time for me. 

#2 Be aware of prep/wait time.

God dropped it on my heart and was telling me, "Get ready girl, because in a year and a half, I'm going to rock your world." I just didn't realize God was trying to tell me all that. All I heard was, "The Jungle School." I knew I loved the ministry, I  knew I wanted to go, I knew I heard from God-- I just didn't know how or when. Instead of trying to figure it out and wreck my brain, I decided to seek God and wait on Him. I knew He had/has a plan that I would benefit from; Therefore, I just started shutting up and listening to what He wanted me to do next. 

#3 Wait.

I had anxiety. Not in the sense of breathing heavily and hyperventilating and getting the shakes. I mean just waiting around impatiently, tapping my foot, whistling nervously, waiting for God's next move. At this point in the journey, I thought I was being a really awesome Christian and "waiting on God." On the contrary, I missed out on opportunities because I was anxiously waiting on what God was going to say next. Instead of anxiously waiting on God, I learned to expectantly wait on God with hope and excitement, all the while still worshipping Him and thanking Him for what is going on and what is ahead. He'll tell me, in due time, the plan.

I'll share more about my pre-missions journey. Getting thoughts organized and saying it correctly is important to me.

Till then,
xox.

Some Answers...

Love wins. It is victorious. It conquers every time. 

 Love covers all offenses. 

Be the bigger person, even when you don't feel like it. 

Check your intentions. 

Speak in love. 

Ask for forgiveness from those you've hurt.

God's word breaths life. 

L o v e    G o d.

Love brings hope, which in turn brings faith, which then brings results.

Love is active; Love doesn't sit back and watch, love acts. 

Praise & worship God, He loves you and wants to hear from. 

You have a purpose, a purpose that God Himself has created just for you.

Out of love flows: thankfulness, praise, worship, diligence, forgiveness, hope...

Let go & forgive. 

Questions...

Some questions that came to mind during the love acquisition...

Am I making an idol of the idea of love, rather than loving The One who is love?

Is love proactive? If so, have I been too passive with loving?

Have I really been loving everyone or just the people that love me?

Who really bugs me? & how can I love them more?

How do I reflect love in my everyday life?

How do I show my love to God in every day life?

Is love really the greatest commandment? If it is, then why haven't I been living up to that?

When I have a certain attitude, what is the root of that attitude (be it good or bad)?

What small changes in my everyday life can I make?

Do I really love as much as I think I do?

Words are powerful; therefore, how can I speak more in love (toward others and for myself)?

How am I treating those closest to me?

How am I treating strangers?

What are the results of love?

Do I really understand that I am loved?
Am I judgmental? Even though I say I'm not...

Do actions really speak louder than words? If so, what are my actions showing?

Why do I let myself get in my own way?

Do I really have praise continuously on my lips?

Do I understand that their is a divine purpose for my life?

What is the first thing I do when I'm feeling defeated, hurt, or mad?

What do I do when I KNOW I'm right (but let's be honest, sometimes I don't really KNOW if I am or I'm just being stubborn), and the other person(s) do NOT seem to get it? How am I reacting?

Is it really necessary to be the "bigger person" ?

What are the benefits of being the "bigger person" ? What are the benefits of holding animosity and strife?
What flows from love?

I'm not trying to tear myself apart and question everything I do to make myself (or you) feel bad, but it can be a good reality check. I pray God forgive me for my selfishness, jealousy, and any other ugliness inside of me; sometimes those things creep up again and I have to work on it all over again, it's not necessarily easy. I do know that keeping my eyes on God- in everything I do, everyday- is key. Life is not life without God. Since God is love, life is not life without love.

Let's Love and Love Genuinely.

Larger than life kind of love! 

( I couldn't figure out how to make this smaller. When I did, it was too small to read. But anyways...)

OK SO...

Here is the anticipated 'Love Acquisition.'

I've been looking forward to this little project for a while. Every day in February has a different love task, some more serious than others. Instead of dreading the love that is in the air in February, I decided we should celebrate it! Truly and genuinely. 

The first ten tasks are interpretable; they are all asking you to love something or someone. It is up to you how you do so. The rest are pretty self- explanatory. 

Do this with a willing and open heart. Who knows what will happen during this time. 

Share your stories with me! 

Email: amarias831@hotmail.com

Instagram: @anais_loves

Twitter: @ana_ama

& tag away! #loveacquisition 

Let the fun begin!

Acquisition

Acquisition- the act of acquiring; obtaining or receiving.

A lot of the times, the best method of receiving is when one is giving; Giving of themselves, not grudgingly, but willingly. Even when it may be out of our comfort zone, even when we may not feel like it; give. When we give, we receive. We receive insight, blessings in return, and we learn how taking eyes off of ourselves actually benefits us. 

So what is a Love Acquisition? I've created the Love Acquisition for the month of February. Love in February? real original, right? Every day in February has a different task, some are silly, some are very real, some may take us out of our comfort zone, and some are up for interpretation. I'll be revealing the Love Acquisition list the last week in January.

Who's in?

Few Things:

1) Never receive grace in vain. 2 Corinthians 6:1

2) Put faith into action. James 1:21-24

3) Endure till the end. Matthew 10:22, Matthew 24:13

2013 is here. So many cool things happened in 2012. It was a year filled of lots of laughs, tears, growth, set backs, triumphs, and failures. Timing is key. I'm learning not to rush things, but to remain faithful and to wait upon the Lord. I learn over and over and over again, that He knows best. Sometimes I can be such a know-it-all, but really I'm clueless. hahah. 

God is beckoning me, I'm learning to be sensitive to that call, to that ever present and quiet voice. He is a loving and guiding God, along with being a just and mighty God. I just have to surrender to what He has for me. I throw my hands up and let God know, that He's in charge. "Use me, Lord. Guide me. I'm Yours." I use to be intimidated to fully surrender and be desperate for God; thinking I wasn't good enough, or that it would be too hard to follow, or that I'd get rejected. I was bringing God down to our measly and human-like demeanor. Really, God was just waiting for me to come to Him. I just had to be willing.

Don't stay down, look up to where your hope is (or should be). Ask for forgiveness for being prideful, unforgiving, and hard headed. Read His word, act on His word, bind those promises to your heart. There is more to life than just struggling and barely getting by. Even during tests, trials, and tribulation, count it as all joy-- Praise should continually be on your lips. When your mad, praise and thank Him. When your sad, praise and thank Him. When your happy, praise and thank Him. When your confused, praise and thank Him. Seek him and draw near to Him.

Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life-- he's not one of many options. He is the only option.

Oh how sweet it is to know Him...

Day 30. DAY 30!

Well, well, well...

Today is the final day of the 30 Day No Makeup Challenge.

I can go on and on and on about all the different things I have experienced and lessons I've learned, but I think I did a decent job at giving snippets of that in previous blogs, so I won't jibber jabber right now. I will tell you...

It's been fun, emotional, difficult, challenging, and delightful. It's crazy to think that this started as just an idea that was put on my heart, and it turned into this extensive learning process; this is only the beginning. I'm learning a lot about myself; the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly. It's hard to swallow ones pride and say ok, this is me, now what? BUT, it must be done.

I will never stop growing, learning, receiving, and giving. 

God, help me. 

shout out to all the lovely ladies who sent me pictures of them makeup-less. Even though you did not necessarily do the challenge, I loved getting these pictures. I loved that you all were willing to post a picture of you makeup-less; Such fierce and fabulous women!

"Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes."

xox

Growing Pains.

Day 25 of the 30 Day No Makeup Challenge.

This has become more than I could have ever imagined it to be.

 I've found myself crying more than usual (Yes, that is actually possible). I finally asked God on Sunday in utter anguish, "God, why in the world have I been crying so much? What am I missing? Why has my heart been hurting?" I was driving on the high way and anyone who drove by me may have thought I was absolutely insane, because I was crying, talking to myself, and yelling at some points, and then all of a sudden I just took a deep breath and felt a sense of peace. Then I was reminded - and I know it was a gentle reminder from God- that I am doing what God is telling me to do. I keep asking Him, what is it that you want me to do, why am I crying, what do I need to do next, why am I feeling like this....

Then He reminds me, "Anais, you are doing what i've asked of you. You are growing, you are being stretched, you are being used for My glory, you are learning to live your life as a living sacrifice."

That's when I felt a sense of peace. I cried, yelled, pouted, whined, and it compares to a child crying because they're teething and nothing soothes it, but they are going to be so happy when they finally have those chompers in and can properly eat REAL food. God is telling me, " Hold on, I got you, keep going...This is all worth it. I love you."

It can also compare to when addicts go thru rehab, their body goes thru such horrible withdrawals, that some of them think they are going to literally die. Their body was so use to the junk the person was feeding their body, that now the body feels as if it can not function without the junk. When in reality, if they give it time, take care of themselves, and stick with it, their body is going to feel on top of the world once completely healed. BUT that hard time they went thru, where they were uncomfortable, felt like they were about to die, were they hated how they felt--was necessary; totally necessary. That's how growing in the Lord is for me right now. It can feel agonizing, tiresome, difficult, and sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on good times; but, if I just stick with it, keep my eyes on the Lord......Man, my measly  human mind can not even begin to imagine the possibilities. If one just surrenders to God's doing, God will use you for things that are bigger than yourself.

BUT I've had to change my way of thinking, I've had to let go of some people, I've had to stop doing certain things, I've had to alter my life. I'm finally living my life for the One who gave me this life to live. My heart aches thinking of the people i've had to let go or distance myself from, but it is necessary. I still love them, I can still talk to them, but my life is going in a different direction, and I can not just pick up everyone around me and take them with me-as much as I would love to- they have to make the decision to surrender and grow on their own. All I can do, is live by example and pray that even in my mess ups, God is glorified and exemplified.

God use me.

DAY 20! 30 Day No Makeup Challenge continues!

 This challenge has helped me to notice how in love I am...

God, I am forever and aways yours. I'm so in love with you.

The less I put my eyes on me, the more I put my eyes on my sweet sweet savior.
Do I get selfish and whiny and think me me me sometimes? Sure. Duh. BUT I cannot and refuse to dwell on that. I get out of that rut real quick, because it will destroy me. The other day I read, "Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down." Distractions will come and will come full force, with the intentions of helping you lose your focus and get your eyes off of what really matters/is most important.

Before, my relationship with the Lord was artificial and almost like a hobby. I went to church because it was just something I did, somewhere that felt good. Now, my relationship with the Lord and savior is ALL that matters, it's what matters most--it is Life. I cannot live apart from God. I cannot dwell in the past, I cannot dwell on my stupid mistakes, I cannot sit hear and keep regretting what I've done. Instead, I've decided to fall more in love with my God and thank Him for bringing me out of the stinky and dark place I was in.

Less of me, more of Him.

xo

Transformation

DAY 15 of the 30 Day No Makeup Challenge.

We've completed half of the challenge! Where did the time go? Phew.

I didn't notice that it was quite possible to learn so much in just 15 days. The other day I told a friend, "I'm over this challenge, I'm so ready to wear makeup." I'm such a baby sometimes, haha. Here's what I've come to find out, this is so much more than just a makeup challenge.

So much more.

I've taken this time to be more aware of my feelings, of my life choices, of my relationships, and just of me as a whole. Who would have thought that a no makeup challenge could have conjured up such awareness? Well, I think it all comes down to a choice. I chose to do a 30 day no makeup challenge, I chose to be more aware of myself, I chose to challenge myself and just go the little extra mile. Sometimes it's no fun, sometimes it's hard, sometimes I whine, but in the end, I choose to trust in what God is doing in me and thru me. Also, the support and words of encouragement I've received are absolutely wonderful, so appreciated. BUT i'm just acting on something that was put on my heart, I can't take the credit. I mean, that's what choices are, right? Acting on it. It can be a person, it can be a situation, it can be anything and everything.

What are we acting on? How are we acting? When people see you, what do they see? Be honest with yourself. & if you don't like the answer, change it. I want to be a reflection of Christ. I want to emulate that Christ type love and peace. Someone told me the other day, that I inspire them. ME? I inspire? So weird. I'm not this superior person, that is a "do good-er." I'm just Anais. I almost didn't know how to receive the comment, it was overwhelming. I mess up a lot, I get emotional, I get angry; I'm human. BUT I own up to my mistakes and I try to better myself in order to avoid repeating those mistakes. I don't always get it right, but I'm getting better at it. I think that this challenge is teaching me to never stop learning and to never stop growing. It's also showing me that I do not NEED to understand every little thing.

Why/how do I inspire? Why do I love people? Why am I honest with people? Why am I the way I am? I don't know. I've been called to. I'm just answering the call. I've been transformed.

I almost want to apologize for my less than savvy way of writing and for not be as eloquent as others, but I won't, because this is me.

xo