Expectations and Standards.

I hear conversations people have, I see what is on t.v., I read through magazines, and it is clear what people think is "good" and what their standards are. People today act on impulse. They go with what they feel at the moment. They have sex with whoever is available to satisfy a feeling they have at the moment. You know what people think is ok? Having relations with a man that already has a commitment to another women-whether it be a girlfriend or wife- and I'm not just talking about sex, but just flirting with them and clearly handing your heart over to them because you like to feel wanted and needed and heard. Society teaches us exactly what NOT to do. They have lost sense of purity, respect, and "goodness." People want to say that sex is no big deal, it's just something they do to satisfy another or themselves. It's just what people do. People talk about it so nonchalantly. We've lost the importance of intimacy, self esteem, respect, and vulnerability.

Listen, I'm guilty of a lot in the above. In my case, I tried to make myself think that intimacy was something that I'd worry about later in life, and that I can do as I please for the moment. I went off of feelings and did not ever think of the consequences or the way I'd feel about myself afterwards. It was not natural for me. I knew I was in the wrong, yet I continued to make stupid decisions and to just " go with the flow" and instead of being "difficult" and different, I just went with what I thought would be easy and not care. But really, I cared the entire time. I felt awkward, my insecurities were even worse, and I was uncomfortable, because I knew what I was taught. I knew what was right, yet I went against it and it would literally make me sick to my stomach. The more I would act on impulse, and go with what I "felt", the deeper I dug a hole for myself. At one point, I was drowning in my own thoughts, insecurities, sin, and loneliness. And i'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking the way people live their lives. People do not think, before they do. They just do, because "You only live once" and because, "I do what I want with my life." and because they've lost the ability to take responsibility for their lives. There is so much more to life...

" You shall know the truth & the truth shall set you free."
You want to know what my standard of truth is? God's very own word- the Bible. It's true, it's good, and it's what my life is meant to follow. It's not this big book of meaningless rules, but it's lessons, it's insight, it's the truth. Forget religion and the thoughts you have towards religion. I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about a meaningful and ever growing relationship with the Lord. I have a growing, beautiful, challenging (it's challenging because my own mind gets in my own way), and loving relationship with the Lord. I was so busy worrying about being sought after by a man and by other things in life, that I forgot that God seeks to spend time with me, and seeks to bless and love me. I just needed to do my part. I needed to surrender. I needed to be vulnerable with him. I needed to hand over all my ugliness to him, so he could make me pure and lovely again.

My heart aches for people loosing sight of themselves and loosing sight of how much more there is meant to be in life than what they make of it because of their own agendas.