I find myself 2 days away from marrying my main man. Like, how did I get here?
I grew up with so many insecurities, with so many doubts, in so much mess, but even in the midst of the fog, I found myself hoping and desperately seeking for glimpses of hope every where I went. Someone has chosen to love me and keep me for all of his days-- even with all my mess and imperfections. He has made a conscious decisions to be there and do life with me; not ahead of me or behind me, but right along side me. And when I fall, pout, and throw an adult sized temper tantrum, he has promised to be there. We have so much to learn and we have just begun to see the great things that lay ahead of us. We've decided to jump in with both feet-- we know it will be work, work that we've never had to encounter; we know it will not always be easy; we know we will have to intentionally love; we know we have to communicate, even when we don't feel like it. But we also know that we are gaining our very own happily ever after; we know that God needs to be the center; we know that we are for each other.
I wonder, how did I get so blessed? What did I do to deserve this? Why would anyone want to spend the rest of their life with me? I'm not putting myself down as if I do not have any great qualities, because [thanks to God] I recognize that I have been gifted in different ways-- but even then, I'm amazed at his tendency to explore my gifts, learn about me, and want me. How incredibly cool is that?
It really is just a small fraction of what God's love is like. It's a reflection of how Jesus loves the church. I see it when I'm with Jamaal. I see the love of Christ in his eyes. It's a love that is much deeper, wider, and bigger, than that " oh she's hot" type of love. It's that love that will stick around, even when I don't understand why, even when I'm not communicating well, even when things are rough, but also when things are going swimmingly. I get to see "love endures all" with the one and only man that has totally captured my heart. Neither of us did anything to deserve this, but God in His gracious love, has allowed us to experience such a sweet love during our lifetime on earth.
I don't take it lightly.
I am becoming a wife. And this will be one of the coolest things I've ever encountered.
