Intertwined

So if you've read the previous two posts, by now you know I'm going on a missions trip to Guatemala. As I prepare for it I wonder, "How much of my personal life is going to affect me preparing for the trip and the trip itself?" I've been fairly emotional these past two weeks. For those that know me, that may not be much of a surprise. Lots going on in head: wanting more of God [first and foremost], dealing with my own insecurities, relationships, church, work, school, knowing what to say and when to say it-- Am I the only one? 

I admit, sometimes I think of stuff way too much. Even writing this, I've stopped a couple times just to let a few tears stream. But anyways...

When I think of stuff too much, I start to loose focus of what God is trying to do. I get caught up in emotion, that I loose the true focus of everything: my sweet Savior. What i'm feeling may be valid, but it doesn't take precedence over God. Things happen. Thru the emotions, thru difficulties, thru triumphs, thru indecisiveness, thru insecurities, thru it all, God is the deliver. He is my rock, my source. 

So does it all affect me preparing for the trip and the trip itself? Yes. In a good God praising way. As I keep my eyes on Him and remain faithful, I can rest assure that all things are being made new.

 It's all intertwined. 

4, 5, & 6...

(See previous post, so this one makes sense)

#4 Realize God is GOD.
I try to figure things out; Why things are the way they are? What can I do to help? How can I help? and so on. I get so caught up in the questions and the wondering, that the reverence and awe of God gets lost in the mix. I forget to stop and just realize that God has a bigger plan. A plan that is hard for my mind to understand or even begin to try and come up with pictures within my limited imagination. God wants me to go to Guatemala, so I go. He'll take care of me.

#5 Trust.
We're so use to failing or people failing us, that it may be hard to trust. BUT God is not a human. His ways are higher- way way higher- than ours. We can not bring him down to our level and try to make sense of it all or compare him to those that may have hurt us or compare him to ourselves. We strive to know him and seek him, in that, we trust and worship him. I don't need to understand everything in order to love God and worship him. I do know that he has taken very good care of me thus far, he will never leave me nor forsake me. He's brought me this far, he'll take me the rest of the way. I'm not sure why God wants me to go to Guatemala, what he will have me do, what my part is, BUT I do know that I am trusting him and I'm going to seek him every single solitary step of the way.

#6 Owning up to the responsibility.
God wants me to go. He has called me and I responded to the call. I want nothing more than Christ alone. In Christ is where I reside. I know God will take care of me, I know I have to trust him, but I have a part to play. I have a responsibility to adhere to. I need to be open, I need to be submissive to the authority above me, I have to fundraise, I have to listen, I have to pray-- but knowing that God has called me to go has made me WANT to do all of those things. It may not always be the easiest thing, but knowing that God has something in store excites me. And in obey and taking on the responsibility, I'm worshipping God. I live for Him.

Man, I'm excited. My thoughts are all jumbled up in my head, I have difficulty putting into words all that I'm learning, expecting, and seeing.

That's all for now.

xo