As a parent, I do not find myself giving my step daughter gifts only when she does something awesome; I like to surprise her with gifts here and there, because I just love her so much and want to bless her as an outpouring of my love for her. How much more does God want to do that for us? As a result of that, I've also noticed that in my walk with God I always saw God as my savior and king; I really struggled with the thought of God being my best friend, because I counted myself as so unworthy of that relationship with God. It's true, I'm not worthy of being called a friend of God. I haven't done anything to earn that relationship, but that's what makes it a sweet gift; an unmerited, favorable, empowering gift. He's gracious and considers us his very own.
I find myself asking a lot of questions, confused, and frustrated at times; with myself, with others, even with God. I've started to come to God with that and lay it before Him. It is all still so new to me. I feel uncomfortable telling God that I'm questioning His word or his ways (which is so silly when I say it out loud because His ways are MUCH HIGHER, like way way higher than our ways) but God still listens and doesn't find me silly, yet gives me his ear, loves me, and guides me. I am honest and tell my husband what is on my heart or things that I am questioning all the time, because he is my best friend; we communicate often. In order to maintain a relationship we need to communicate and be open-- How much more should I come to God with those questions and life's issues?
My birthday is coming up and I expect gifts, duh. What if someone gave me a gift and I thanked them and hugged them for it, but I just left it on my kitchen table. I walked by it every day, and smiled when I looked at it because it is wrapped so nicely. Everyday, for days, months, and even years, the gift is sitting on the table. Did I ever really receive it? I'm thankful for it, but I haven't opened it, I haven't seen the gift. I don't know what potential that gift has; it may have the potential to give me a new outfit, or a manicure, or new accessories, or something to brighten up my classroom, or money, or a trip to a beautiful destination-- so much potential! Not until I truly receive it, open it, and accept it will I be able to see it's full potential. Until then, all the potential stays wrapped up in that gift, just waiting for me to open it. Isn't it the same with all that God wants for us? IT'S THERE, we just haven't grabbed a hold of it. How do we grab a hold of it? Trusting and seeking God.
God says to seek, because He can be found. He says to knock, because He'll open he door. He's not trying to play games with you or me. I often get in a lull and forget who I am or wonder if I am truly walking in my purpose. The only way is with THE way. I don't have it all figured out and I can be messy, but I know that God has got me.
