Balance

I'm really good at the art of doing. Like really good at it.

I enjoy getting things done and checking things off my check list. I love to: get the laundry done during the weekend,  make sure that my sink isn't filled of dishes before I go to bed; plan events for the youth at church; water and repot my plants; and many more crazy boring and mundane things but they bring me joy-- truly. I think it's more of the joy knowing that things are getting done and letting others relax and converse while I get things done. 

As much as I love to get things done, it robs me of a lot of stuff. It robs me of moments. Instead of sitting watching a movie with the fam to unwind, I'm desperately trying to get the laundry done by the end of Sunday so I don't have to do it during the crazy work week or I'm trying to get to the dishes we just used from dinner because I might just lose sleep at the thought of a full sink at night. 

But like anything in life...

balance. 

Balance drives me nuts. 

I use to imagine balance as a snarky lady with the perfected side eye look of disapproval. She would look at me disappointed, rolling her eyes hard when I would do things one way or another and not include her. When I did include her, I was nervous and thinking of all the things that needed to get done. I had a hard time enjoying balance's presence because I was busy having my to do list on my mind. I was awkward and anxious with racing thoughts. She would scoff and wouldn't even try to comfort me. 

But in reality it wasn't balance making me feel that way. It was me-- all me. My mind can get weird. I'm so incredibly hard on myself. I drive myself insane!

Balance is actually gentle. She is sweet and doesn't force anything on me. She invites me, but doesn't push. When I finally accept her invitation, she doesn't talk at me; instead, she listens while I talk and share and try to figure things out. For that, i'm grateful.

It's ok that I enjoy doing things, but I don't want it to take away from those precious moments in my life. Finding that balance of doing things and getting things done to slowing down and savoring moments with the ones I love. 

Balance is good. Balance is necessary. 

Slow down, Anais. 

Slow down every now and then, friend. 

xo

Forever Bond...

It's been over a month that I came home from one of the most amazing trips ever. The second I got home from Guatemala, reality smacked me in the face. Life, here in America; little Rhody; in Providence city, started right off where I left it. It almost left me no time to reflect, it almost caused me to forget, it almost caused me to just come back into the routine of things without a change in my heart and without a care for what I had experienced and witnessed. ALMOST, almost, almost....

Then, I have these beautifully constructed  moments that bring me back to what I experienced. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it does not have to stick to being just an "experience." The one who showed up and touched me in such an amazing way in Guatemala, lives inside me-- 24/7. I have direct contact with the very creator of those moments. Friends, don't let the busyness of life, situations, and trials take precedence over God. Seek Him, just for who He is. 

Whenever I see the people I went to Guatemala with, my heart leaps with joy. We have a forever bond. Let's never forget the precious moments we had, the sweet hugs we received, the tears we shed, the laughs shared. Let's never forget how God showed up, because of our faithfulness. When people ask me about Guatemala, a light in my eyes brightens and I struggle to find the words to accurately describe all that happened, because so much happened in such a short amount of time. I may not be able to explain what happened in Guatemala, I may not be able to tell how one can not let life get to them and erk them, but I can tell you to seek God. Seek Him and all else will fall into place. Seek him fervently and faithfully. 

May the moments of Guatemala live on forever, may we never forget who God is, may we never lose sight of God-- there is more to be done. We are here for such a time as this. Let's be the vessel, let's be the light, let's be. 

xox

Post Missions

I'm home, folks!

Guatemala was amazing. If something can be more than amazing, it was exactly that and more. Coming home was bittersweet, more bitter than sweet. I sobbed on my last day in Guatemala. I was overwhelmed by the love bestowed on us during our stay. I've become involved with the ministry [Hearts in Action] in a way that is inexplainable-- not just financially, but now emotionally and spiritually--, I've finally met the child I sponsor for 2 years and now I have to leave him, I absolutely adore the group of people that went to Guatemala with me, and God was turning and moving things inside of me. Honestly, I'm speechless. There are no words to explain what I felt or how I am feeling. There are no words to explain the type of awe that I am in. I mean, I'm sure there is some word in the English vocabulary that can explain, but it just won't be accurate enough.

I picture God's very finger reaching down and just gently tapping my heart and my heart instantly becoming electrified. Yea, I think that's what it must be. I finally said, "Come on God! I'm ready!" I say that and then think, "Oh shoot, maybe i'm not ready," then something as amazing as a missions trip to Guatemala happens and God reminds me that He is with me, guiding me and leading me as long as I am open and willing; what a marvelous thing it is indeed.

It's not that I didn't miss some people, I did. It's just that the people of the ministry we worked with [Hearts in Action] and the people of Guatemala are so beautiful. I've always thought I was a fairly loving person. I pale in comparison to the love out poured on me during the trip. I saw siblings loving on each other in a special and precious way, I saw children who have been forgotten and given away smile at the sight of these goofy Americans bearing gifts, I saw hungry and thirsty families comfort us because our hearts had been so broken at just the sight of them, I saw children's eyes beam the love of Christ, I saw children praying with all they had in them because all they had to hold on to was the precious name of Jesus, I saw God doing a work in us as we poured out of ourselves, I saw God move.

I was frustrated at the thought of coming home. I told God, "There is so much to do here (in Guatemala)!" I was reminded by a friend, that God will continue to provide for the people of Guatemala, they are not a forgotten people to God, they will be freed. I was also reminded by a friend that there is a work to be done back home. I reside in Providence, Rhode Island for such a time as this. This is where I call home right now, it is time I rise up. How? By walking in love, by having a single-minded focus on God's will and pursuing God, by abiding in God, by seeking wisdom, by obeying, and by simply living in Him.

This Guatemala missions trip wasn't about an experience that happened in Guatemala. It's about the work that is to be done. This was like a training camp; preparing me for the future and for now. It wasn't a one time thing that was super awesome, it was a life changing event that super naturally stimulated my very core being.

"Vast ocean of love cannot be measured or explained but it can be experienced." 

Not just once or twice, but ALWAYS.

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." Ephesians 3:17

More posts and pictures coming soon!

Here.

Grew up and raised here,
Friends here,
Family here.

Thayer Street,
Fed Hill,
Hope Street,
and Wickenden.
So bold and eclectic.

Broad Street,
Elmwood,
Cranston Street,
and Smith Hill.
So alive and so urban.

All sorts of people,
from all different places.
Accepting, beautiful,
Diverse and lovely.
So original and different.

Music, art, culture,
the richness surrounds us,
everyday.
We are here.
I am here.

So small, big heart.
My city, Providence.