I've never been one to really be into dating. I had my first "boyfriend" at 12 years old. He was my first kiss, we were around each other ALL the time & you know how that goes...they automatically become your boo. hah. That lasted for all of a few months until my dad found out and that was when I officially found out that being woo-ed by a boy was not worth disobeying my dad. Let's be honest, neither of us drove, had money or ways to communicate. We were two young, silly, immature kids trying to be cool.
Then, my senior year of high school I had a boyfriend. We were together for about a month when I realized, "hey, I don't even really like him", I just liked the thought of someone liking me. Like any girl, I liked attention; someone to say I look pretty, buy me a few things here and there, hug me, kiss me on my forehead. I know, I was being selfish and being unfair to him but it worked for me at the time and I didn't even notice how unfledged I was. I thought I knew what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it but in reality, I was clueless.
Then from the ages of 18 to about 21 I just constantly made stupid decisions when it came to boys/men, mostly boys masking as men. I didn't have a "boyfriend" and I didn't date, but I just made one irresponsible mistake after another. I knew I loved God and that He loved me but I was lacking that relationship with Him. I did not communicate with Him, trust in Him and as much as I said I had given my life to Him, I really hadn't.
I thought I was in control. I thought I was so sure of myself.
I was craving attention. I would walk out and would hope someone would give me a compliment and feed into my insecurities. It's so sad when I think about it. I had no clue who I was in the Lord.
I am His beloved. I should not awaken love before due time. I am His daughter. I am created to do His will. I am precious. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am helpless without Him. I am the apple of His eye. I am loved.
My focus is on God and doing His will for me. It's not easy for me, I struggle and that is why relying on God is so key. God and I actually have a relationship now & I am so deeply in love with Him. When I trust in Him and just do His will, all else will fall into place.
xo.
Then, my senior year of high school I had a boyfriend. We were together for about a month when I realized, "hey, I don't even really like him", I just liked the thought of someone liking me. Like any girl, I liked attention; someone to say I look pretty, buy me a few things here and there, hug me, kiss me on my forehead. I know, I was being selfish and being unfair to him but it worked for me at the time and I didn't even notice how unfledged I was. I thought I knew what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it but in reality, I was clueless.
Then from the ages of 18 to about 21 I just constantly made stupid decisions when it came to boys/men, mostly boys masking as men. I didn't have a "boyfriend" and I didn't date, but I just made one irresponsible mistake after another. I knew I loved God and that He loved me but I was lacking that relationship with Him. I did not communicate with Him, trust in Him and as much as I said I had given my life to Him, I really hadn't.
I thought I was in control. I thought I was so sure of myself.
I was craving attention. I would walk out and would hope someone would give me a compliment and feed into my insecurities. It's so sad when I think about it. I had no clue who I was in the Lord.
I am His beloved. I should not awaken love before due time. I am His daughter. I am created to do His will. I am precious. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am helpless without Him. I am the apple of His eye. I am loved.
My focus is on God and doing His will for me. It's not easy for me, I struggle and that is why relying on God is so key. God and I actually have a relationship now & I am so deeply in love with Him. When I trust in Him and just do His will, all else will fall into place.
xo.
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