Balance

I'm really good at the art of doing. Like really good at it.

I enjoy getting things done and checking things off my check list. I love to: get the laundry done during the weekend,  make sure that my sink isn't filled of dishes before I go to bed; plan events for the youth at church; water and repot my plants; and many more crazy boring and mundane things but they bring me joy-- truly. I think it's more of the joy knowing that things are getting done and letting others relax and converse while I get things done. 

As much as I love to get things done, it robs me of a lot of stuff. It robs me of moments. Instead of sitting watching a movie with the fam to unwind, I'm desperately trying to get the laundry done by the end of Sunday so I don't have to do it during the crazy work week or I'm trying to get to the dishes we just used from dinner because I might just lose sleep at the thought of a full sink at night. 

But like anything in life...

balance. 

Balance drives me nuts. 

I use to imagine balance as a snarky lady with the perfected side eye look of disapproval. She would look at me disappointed, rolling her eyes hard when I would do things one way or another and not include her. When I did include her, I was nervous and thinking of all the things that needed to get done. I had a hard time enjoying balance's presence because I was busy having my to do list on my mind. I was awkward and anxious with racing thoughts. She would scoff and wouldn't even try to comfort me. 

But in reality it wasn't balance making me feel that way. It was me-- all me. My mind can get weird. I'm so incredibly hard on myself. I drive myself insane!

Balance is actually gentle. She is sweet and doesn't force anything on me. She invites me, but doesn't push. When I finally accept her invitation, she doesn't talk at me; instead, she listens while I talk and share and try to figure things out. For that, i'm grateful.

It's ok that I enjoy doing things, but I don't want it to take away from those precious moments in my life. Finding that balance of doing things and getting things done to slowing down and savoring moments with the ones I love. 

Balance is good. Balance is necessary. 

Slow down, Anais. 

Slow down every now and then, friend. 

xo

Look Up.

What do you do when...

...two college semesters in a row go wonderfully,
...you feel so alone,
...you lose a dear friend to a tragic accident,
...you have the best times with the people you love most,
...school is over and you're faced with the scary reality,
...you go on a life-changing trip with some of the most caring, loving, sweet people,
...you're left dumb-founded and speechless,
...your heart aches,
...you feel so overwhelmingly loved,
...you miss the mark,
...you hit the mark spot on,
...you make mistakes,
...you're triumphant.

You look up to where your help, comfort, and provision come from. You look up to whom all grace and mercy flow. Whether it be during the most victorious moments in life or in the darkest moments in life-- I will look up; even when I have questions, when I'm confused, when I don't understand-- I will look up; and when I feel on top of the world, victorious, fist pumping in the air awesome-- I will look up.

Life and its experiences have provoked and even dared me to carefully examine what I believe to be true. It has challenged what I've always believed to be truth. It's made me seek out God in a real way. I've had to come face to face with the fact that God truly is my life line and foundation. He's my life line during my desperate search for answers, during my job search, during my emotional breakdowns, during the most joyous times, during life as a complete whole. I am incomplete without Jesus Christ. I am lost without the grace and love of God. All I am is in Him-- forever and always.

Grace is a gift. Mercy is granted. I am forever loved.




Growth continues.

He knows.

Well, well, well.... Hello my dearest compadres.

EXCITING NEWS: I am going on a missions trip to Guatemala in August!

I will be working with Hearts in Action. HIA has a Jungle School in Peten, Guatemala. They work closely with the impoverished community. The children learn reading, writing, and arithmetic; they also get to learn about how much God loves them and learn all the truth from God's very own word. Lots of exciting things happening over there and I've been so blessed to be a part of their ministry for about 2 years. I have been sponsoring a beautiful little boy who goes to The Jungle School. I financially support his education, materials, and other goodies-- I also write him and just pray for him; love that kid! I get to meet him when I go out there. SO RAD. 

Anyways, the reason I'm telling you all this is because God and I have had some interesting convos since I've decided to go to Guatemala. 

#1 Listen when God is telling you something. 

Last year in January, I felt it on my heart to go Guatemala. I didn't end up going. I was kicking myself when I thought about how I should have just gone. Now I think that may have been prepping time for me. 

#2 Be aware of prep/wait time.

God dropped it on my heart and was telling me, "Get ready girl, because in a year and a half, I'm going to rock your world." I just didn't realize God was trying to tell me all that. All I heard was, "The Jungle School." I knew I loved the ministry, I  knew I wanted to go, I knew I heard from God-- I just didn't know how or when. Instead of trying to figure it out and wreck my brain, I decided to seek God and wait on Him. I knew He had/has a plan that I would benefit from; Therefore, I just started shutting up and listening to what He wanted me to do next. 

#3 Wait.

I had anxiety. Not in the sense of breathing heavily and hyperventilating and getting the shakes. I mean just waiting around impatiently, tapping my foot, whistling nervously, waiting for God's next move. At this point in the journey, I thought I was being a really awesome Christian and "waiting on God." On the contrary, I missed out on opportunities because I was anxiously waiting on what God was going to say next. Instead of anxiously waiting on God, I learned to expectantly wait on God with hope and excitement, all the while still worshipping Him and thanking Him for what is going on and what is ahead. He'll tell me, in due time, the plan.

I'll share more about my pre-missions journey. Getting thoughts organized and saying it correctly is important to me.

Till then,
xox.