Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts

Thursday, June 26, 2014

On Purpose.

Life is meant to be lived. Not recklessly or without precaution, but also not with so much caution that we get caught up in the mundane living. I want to live life on purpose. I am living life on purpose, because I've been given a purpose. We've all been given a purpose. This life --and everything after-- is bigger than any of us can imagine, but we have a part to play. We have to do.

Think bigger. Stop thinking so much is out of reach. Sometimes you just have to jump with both feet, clenching your nose, heart racing with adrenaline, but knowing this is all going to be such a blast. Or like running full force, not knowing if you'll be first place, but you'll run like all heck--with everything in you, because the wind against your face feels exhilarating, the times you fell and bruises you've received don't compare to the excitement at the end.
Think kinder. Don't just mean to do good or have good intentions; just do good, be good. Raise the bar for yourself to love harder. When we raise the bar for ourselves, we're inadvertently raising the bar for others.

I know I can be self centered and self seeking a lot of times. I can also be very insecure and indecisive. God is the most patient and gracious teacher. I'm learning about sitting in the quiet stillness and to just listen, I'm learning about how important it is to have the eyes of my heart open and sensitive to God's spirit, I'm learning about how to receive correction, I'm learning to walk in love, I'm learning...
I learn best when I'm open and willing. It's not easy; it's being able to be vulnerable, it's letting your flaws hang out, but well worth it.

I think I hold back because I've become complacent and because fear holds me back. I hate being a disappointment and it can be intimidating to put myself out there without knowing the outcome. It's amazing to see what can happen when you trust God, seek Him, and go for it--full throttle. For too long I've let myself get crushed by the words of others, for too long did I live my life to please others, for too long I've coasted, for too long I've thought the life was this little bubble I had put myself in...

I want to live a life that is unashamed; filled with God's glory and wonder. 

I thank God for a boyfriend that thinks bigger and just goes for it. I thank God for friends who encourage living and loving out of the box. I thank God for friends who are fearless and even when they may be fearful, they go for it. I thank God for family members and friends who love me even when I'm selfish or mess up. All that everyone is to me, I pray I can be --in some part-- to others.


xo

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Look Up.

What do you do when...

...two college semesters in a row go wonderfully,
...you feel so alone,
...you lose a dear friend to a tragic accident,
...you have the best times with the people you love most,
...school is over and you're faced with the scary reality,
...you go on a life-changing trip with some of the most caring, loving, sweet people,
...you're left dumb-founded and speechless,
...your heart aches,
...you feel so overwhelmingly loved,
...you miss the mark,
...you hit the mark spot on,
...you make mistakes,
...you're triumphant.

You look up to where your help, comfort, and provision come from. You look up to whom all grace and mercy flow. Whether it be during the most victorious moments in life or in the darkest moments in life-- I will look up; even when I have questions, when I'm confused, when I don't understand-- I will look up; and when I feel on top of the world, victorious, fist pumping in the air awesome-- I will look up.

Life and its experiences have provoked and even dared me to carefully examine what I believe to be true. It has challenged what I've always believed to be truth. It's made me seek out God in a real way. I've had to come face to face with the fact that God truly is my life line and foundation. He's my life line during my desperate search for answers, during my job search, during my emotional breakdowns, during the most joyous times, during life as a complete whole. I am incomplete without Jesus Christ. I am lost without the grace and love of God. All I am is in Him-- forever and always.

Grace is a gift. Mercy is granted. I am forever loved.




Growth continues.




Sunday, November 24, 2013

I Once Knew a Boy...

I knew a boy with beautiful big blue eyes, that looked right into mine when I spoke; so intently and attentive.
I knew a boy who's smile showed every single tiny tooth, that shined brightly and boldly.
I knew a boy who could never really grow much facial hair, just random hairs sporadically grown unevenly on his face.
I knew a boy who was always up for a good deep discussion-- anything from music, to food, to people, to the color of the sky.
I knew a boy who's dance moves where unlike any other you've seen.
I knew a boy who's height was unusual, but it matched him perfectly. He was perfectly unusual.
I knew a boy who spoke from the heart, he said I love you and meant it.
I knew a boy who's intellect and heart seemed to go hand in hand quite impressively.
I knew a boy who wanted to love and be loved.
I knew a boy who inspired.
I knew a boy who's hug would warm the coldest of hearts.
I saw a boy grow into an admirable man.
I saw a man change his life.
I saw a man change the lives of others.
I miss him. I miss Christiano.

One month ago, today, the 'earth- life' of this precious young man ended; it seemed so quickly and abruptly. I hated the thought of having to say goodbye to him and even though it seems so cliché, it's true when they say it's, "see you later." I hated looking at his family and knowing they have to live with the reminder, everyday, that he will not walk into their home again. These people are my family; they hurt, I hurt. I love Christiano. He was my friend, my sweet little brother. Around this time I'd be checking on him and congratulating him on almost finishing his 1st college semester. Sometimes I wonder, has this really hit me? Do I really understand that I'm not just going to see him around anymore? I'm honestly not sure if it's really hit me or not. One month later and I'm still processing, I might be processing for a while.  But I have a hope. My hope is in Christ, exactly where Chris' hope was and is.

To know he is in a painless, whole, and happy state in heaven brings me some joy. To know he is face to face with His Almighty Savior elates me. During this time, I tried so hard to be there for others. My goal was to comfort others; Great intentions, but my actions wore me out. I realized that I needed that sweet presence of God in my life; refilling myself, in order to give; Letting God work thru me in every way possible in order for anything to be truly meaningful or effective. I'm not talking about a 'feel good' type thing for just a moment, but an alive and very real occurrence and reoccurrence that is special and unique to God-- only He can give it, no one else. God is my ultimate provider and comforter, in return, I am a reflection of that and am able to rest in God and know He has and will continue to work thru me.

But man, I'll miss him a lot.

Christiano- Never forgotten, forever loved. 




Sunday, September 15, 2013

Forever Bond...

It's been over a month that I came home from one of the most amazing trips ever. The second I got home from Guatemala, reality smacked me in the face. Life, here in America; little Rhody; in Providence city, started right off where I left it. It almost left me no time to reflect, it almost caused me to forget, it almost caused me to just come back into the routine of things without a change in my heart and without a care for what I had experienced and witnessed. ALMOST, almost, almost....

Then, I have these beautifully constructed  moments that bring me back to what I experienced. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it does not have to stick to being just an "experience." The one who showed up and touched me in such an amazing way in Guatemala, lives inside me-- 24/7. I have direct contact with the very creator of those moments. Friends, don't let the busyness of life, situations, and trials take precedence over God. Seek Him, just for who He is. 

Whenever I see the people I went to Guatemala with, my heart leaps with joy. We have a forever bond. Let's never forget the precious moments we had, the sweet hugs we received, the tears we shed, the laughs shared. Let's never forget how God showed up, because of our faithfulness. When people ask me about Guatemala, a light in my eyes brightens and I struggle to find the words to accurately describe all that happened, because so much happened in such a short amount of time. I may not be able to explain what happened in Guatemala, I may not be able to tell how one can not let life get to them and erk them, but I can tell you to seek God. Seek Him and all else will fall into place. Seek him fervently and faithfully. 

May the moments of Guatemala live on forever, may we never forget who God is, may we never lose sight of God-- there is more to be done. We are here for such a time as this. Let's be the vessel, let's be the light, let's be. 

xox



Monday, August 19, 2013

The People

I've cried several times after being back from Guatemala. I wondered, "Why in the world am I crying?"

Then it hit me-- It was the people. The people we came in contact with during our time in Guatemala were some of the most beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. When you looked at their faces you saw: Christ's love in the gentle touch of their hands, sunshine in their smiles, pain and suffering in their eyes, warmth in their dimples, and excitement when I saw their ears perk up in response to us singing, laughing, and praying; both children and adults.

I saw people that did not have much at all:  have the most phenomenal work ethic, have dignity in coming to school with a clean uniform, pray fervently, hug with all that was in them, held their head high- not in a prideful way, but in a way that showcases a survivor type attitude. They are a private, but willing and loving people; they are strong, yet gentle and warm; they are perseverant, yet lowly and meek. The people of Guatemala and the people of Hearts in Action ministry are just plain sweet.

The people of Hearts in Action [ the ministry we partnered with for the trip ] are a people after God's very own heart. They are transforming generations, they are bringing the word of God to the people of Guatemala, they are representatives of God- ambassadors of the most high. Their hearts are so full of the truest, most authentic love-- God's love.

Then I had the most sweetest of moments: the moment I met the child I have been sponsoring for the past two years. The moment was absolutely magical. We had been communicating through letters, we had pictures of each other, and we could not wait to finally meet. We hugged, laughed, cried, prayed, and instantly knew that we were family. I taught some of the kids at the school how to say, " I love you." He kept telling me, "I love you, I love you!" He said it with all enthusiasm and with all sincerity. He loves God and he knows that HE is the ultimate provider. Man oh man, I can't tell you how much spending time with him meant to me.

Haneer and I

Cool Story: We went to a hospital to do outreach. I was very drawn to this woman who was sitting next to her sick daughter. Come to find out, the little girl that was sick went to The Jungle School (The school that is part of Hearts in Action and the school my child goes to). We chit chatted and after about 20 minutes of going back and forth and asking this poor woman 21 questions, I found out that she is Haneer's mother! I met his mother and his sister. It was totally unexpected; actually, God planned it. He knew the very desires of my heart. I had just said that morning to my team, " I would love to meet Haneers's family." Maybe some call it a coincidence, I call it a God-incident. I sobbed in this woman's arms as she prayed over me. SHE prayed over ME. Here I am thinking that I'm going to Guatemala to do a great work and they wouldn't stop blessing me every single day. This is just one of the many beautiful stories about the people I met while there. They are memories that will forever be cherished. Maybe in the future I'll be able to sort through all the amazing memories in my head and be able to justify them by putting them to words in this blog. 





Until next time, folks. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Post Missions

I'm home, folks!

Guatemala was amazing. If something can be more than amazing, it was exactly that and more. Coming home was bittersweet, more bitter than sweet. I sobbed on my last day in Guatemala. I was overwhelmed by the love bestowed on us during our stay. I've become involved with the ministry [Hearts in Action] in a way that is inexplainable-- not just financially, but now emotionally and spiritually--, I've finally met the child I sponsor for 2 years and now I have to leave him, I absolutely adore the group of people that went to Guatemala with me, and God was turning and moving things inside of me. Honestly, I'm speechless. There are no words to explain what I felt or how I am feeling. There are no words to explain the type of awe that I am in. I mean, I'm sure there is some word in the English vocabulary that can explain, but it just won't be accurate enough.

I picture God's very finger reaching down and just gently tapping my heart and my heart instantly becoming electrified. Yea, I think that's what it must be. I finally said, "Come on God! I'm ready!" I say that and then think, "Oh shoot, maybe i'm not ready," then something as amazing as a missions trip to Guatemala happens and God reminds me that He is with me, guiding me and leading me as long as I am open and willing; what a marvelous thing it is indeed.

It's not that I didn't miss some people, I did. It's just that the people of the ministry we worked with [Hearts in Action] and the people of Guatemala are so beautiful. I've always thought I was a fairly loving person. I pale in comparison to the love out poured on me during the trip. I saw siblings loving on each other in a special and precious way, I saw children who have been forgotten and given away smile at the sight of these goofy Americans bearing gifts, I saw hungry and thirsty families comfort us because our hearts had been so broken at just the sight of them, I saw children's eyes beam the love of Christ, I saw children praying with all they had in them because all they had to hold on to was the precious name of Jesus, I saw God doing a work in us as we poured out of ourselves, I saw God move.

I was frustrated at the thought of coming home. I told God, "There is so much to do here (in Guatemala)!" I was reminded by a friend, that God will continue to provide for the people of Guatemala, they are not a forgotten people to God, they will be freed. I was also reminded by a friend that there is a work to be done back home. I reside in Providence, Rhode Island for such a time as this. This is where I call home right now, it is time I rise up. How? By walking in love, by having a single-minded focus on God's will and pursuing God, by abiding in God, by seeking wisdom, by obeying, and by simply living in Him.

This Guatemala missions trip wasn't about an experience that happened in Guatemala. It's about the work that is to be done. This was like a training camp; preparing me for the future and for now. It wasn't a one time thing that was super awesome, it was a life changing event that super naturally stimulated my very core being.

"Vast ocean of love cannot be measured or explained but it can be experienced." 
Not just once or twice, but ALWAYS.

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." Ephesians 3:17




More posts and pictures coming soon!


Saturday, June 8, 2013

4, 5, & 6...

(See previous post, so this one makes sense)

#4 Realize God is GOD.
I try to figure things out; Why things are the way they are? What can I do to help? How can I help? and so on. I get so caught up in the questions and the wondering, that the reverence and awe of God gets lost in the mix. I forget to stop and just realize that God has a bigger plan. A plan that is hard for my mind to understand or even begin to try and come up with pictures within my limited imagination. God wants me to go to Guatemala, so I go. He'll take care of me.

#5 Trust.
We're so use to failing or people failing us, that it may be hard to trust. BUT God is not a human. His ways are higher- way way higher- than ours. We can not bring him down to our level and try to make sense of it all or compare him to those that may have hurt us or compare him to ourselves. We strive to know him and seek him, in that, we trust and worship him. I don't need to understand everything in order to love God and worship him. I do know that he has taken very good care of me thus far, he will never leave me nor forsake me. He's brought me this far, he'll take me the rest of the way. I'm not sure why God wants me to go to Guatemala, what he will have me do, what my part is, BUT I do know that I am trusting him and I'm going to seek him every single solitary step of the way.

#6 Owning up to the responsibility.
God wants me to go. He has called me and I responded to the call. I want nothing more than Christ alone. In Christ is where I reside. I know God will take care of me, I know I have to trust him, but I have a part to play. I have a responsibility to adhere to. I need to be open, I need to be submissive to the authority above me, I have to fundraise, I have to listen, I have to pray-- but knowing that God has called me to go has made me WANT to do all of those things. It may not always be the easiest thing, but knowing that God has something in store excites me. And in obey and taking on the responsibility, I'm worshipping God. I live for Him.

Man, I'm excited. My thoughts are all jumbled up in my head, I have difficulty putting into words all that I'm learning, expecting, and seeing.

That's all for now.

xo

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Few Things:

1) Never receive grace in vain. 2 Corinthians 6:1

2) Put faith into action. James 1:21-24

3) Endure till the end. Matthew 10:22, Matthew 24:13

2013 is here. So many cool things happened in 2012. It was a year filled of lots of laughs, tears, growth, set backs, triumphs, and failures. Timing is key. I'm learning not to rush things, but to remain faithful and to wait upon the Lord. I learn over and over and over again, that He knows best. Sometimes I can be such a know-it-all, but really I'm clueless. hahah. 

God is beckoning me, I'm learning to be sensitive to that call, to that ever present and quiet voice. He is a loving and guiding God, along with being a just and mighty God. I just have to surrender to what He has for me. I throw my hands up and let God know, that He's in charge. "Use me, Lord. Guide me. I'm Yours." I use to be intimidated to fully surrender and be desperate for God; thinking I wasn't good enough, or that it would be too hard to follow, or that I'd get rejected. I was bringing God down to our measly and human-like demeanor. Really, God was just waiting for me to come to Him. I just had to be willing.

Don't stay down, look up to where your hope is (or should be). Ask for forgiveness for being prideful, unforgiving, and hard headed. Read His word, act on His word, bind those promises to your heart. There is more to life than just struggling and barely getting by. Even during tests, trials, and tribulation, count it as all joy-- Praise should continually be on your lips. When your mad, praise and thank Him. When your sad, praise and thank Him. When your happy, praise and thank Him. When your confused, praise and thank Him. Seek him and draw near to Him.

Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life-- he's not one of many options. He is the only option.

Oh how sweet it is to know Him...