5.27.12

I don’t know if this will be embarrassing, but I’ll take the chance.

Last, but most certainly not least— I am going to end my streak of posts about influential people in my life by ending it with a post about my very own boyfriend, MY baby, Jamaal.

We’ve only been dating for three weeks, I know, it has not been a long time at all; But when it’s right, it’s right. Everything about us coming together has been so beautifully orchestrated by God’s divine hand. If we had met a few years back, we would have messed it up and tried to do it “our” way. People laugh when they hear we knew each other from church because: a) people know who we use to be, b) church is a random place to meet someone, and c) because church can only be a place to meet “goody two shoes” or “hypocritical” people (right?-- Wrong). I laugh at all of those too, but not because it is unbelievable for me to think you can meet someone at church, but because no one knows the sweet and special connection Jamaal and I have. I don’t care where we met; I just care about us here and now, and our future of getting to know each other and growing together in the Lord.

We have some similarities, we have lots of differences, but most of all we really enjoy being with each other. We’re learning from each other, growing together, and we’re both excited to see where this takes us. We’ve promised to put God in the center of this relationship and we’ve already seen the fruits of that. My heart skips, leaps, and jumps while I write this because I’m just so ecstatic to see what the future holds.

Jamaal is level headed, passionate, responsible, “cool”, great dad, thoughtful, noble, and just a delight to be with. He listens when I speak but is quick to give his opinion, he encourages me but doesn’t baby me, he is sweet but never disrespectful, and he’s my boyfriend. I’m not even sure I’m use to saying “my boyfriend.” But I’m glad that when I refer to boyfriend, it refers to Jamaal; wouldn’t want it any other way…

xox

Fam Bam.

Next, My family.

Oh boy—where do I begin?

I have a mom and dad that will do anything for me. They have been through some stuff when we were younger, and they may have had their ups & downs, but they tried their best to not let it trickle into their relationship with my sisters and myself. They love us so incredibly much.

My Mami is my biggest supporter in life. She’s my ultimate cheerleader. She has always let me know how important I am, how valuable I am, how beautiful I am, how proud she is of me, and how much she loves being a mother (& now grandma!). She has always been such a hard working woman. She is selfless, supportive, and just an overall doll. My mom has taught me to love unconditionally, to appreciate, and to hold on to the ones we love.

My Papi, my dear dear papi; he has made me laugh, cry, angry, and happy. He has always been my life coach. He has and always will push me. He has embedded into my mind, that I am destined for greatness. He always expresses his love for me. He loves his girls so much. We are so much a like that we bump heads, but we also totally get each other in a special way that only father and daughter can get each other and understand. He has taught me to stand strong, to push and persevere, and to protect myself from heartache.

Mami & Papi, te quiero mucho.

& my sisters? Pshhhh, these ladies are literally the ISHHHH. They are the bee’s knees, the cat’s pajamas, the coolest kids on the block, the most precious and lovely ladies I have ever had the pleasure to know; I really mean that. I laugh and argue the most with my sisters, I yell and cry the most with my sisters, and I share and enjoy the most things with my sisters. Each of my sisters is individually fantastic.

Natasha: She is just beautiful inside and out. Natasha loves to love. She gives people the “benefit of the doubt” and is much stronger than she gets credit for. Natasha is creative, sweet, and just a breathe of fresh air. She is one heck of a listener and has a huge amount of compassion and patience in her little heart. She juggles so many things at once; You are amazing, Natasha.

Digna: She is hilarious. She loves with all her heart. She’s reliable and trustworthy, she’s adorable and darling, she’s loud and clever, and she’s just a precious young woman. I’m so happy that the older she gets, the better of friends we become. You’re a doll, Digna.

Xenia: She’s the stylish one, the risk taker when it comes to fashion, hair, and life in general. She gets stuff done- no hesitation. Poor girl had to grow up so fast; she went through a lot at a young age. We forget that. We forget that she had to grow up fast because of what was happening in life, and because she was the baby, but she never wanted to be treated as the baby—she’s always just wanted to be one of the girls. Xenia blows me away with her maturity. We have conversations sometimes, and I have to remind myself that she is only 17. You will do great things, Xenia.

As a family, we’ve been through A LOT together. We have a special bond that I’m pretty sure is unbreakable.

I also LOVE others in the family so very much: brother in law, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Each of you have taught me something new; everyone from the youngest and smallest to the oldest and wisest. 

           

  

XO

Mentors

A mentor is defined as a wise and trusted counselor or teacher, an influential senior sponsor or supporter. I couldn’t have said it better myself; that is exactly what the following people are to me: Pastor Joe and Ms. Jen, and Mrs. Johnson.

They have known me since my young, awkward, and silly days. They’re beyond friends—they’re life enthusiasts, encouragers, knowledge- givers, wisdom seekers, and they are dear and near to my heart.

Pastor Joe and Ms. Jen are like my spiritual parents. They have always encouraged me to fully seek God. They are nurturers.  They exemplify a life dedicated to God and a life of discipline and joy, a life that pursues and seeks the face of God. Pastor Joe and Ms. Jen are honest, loving, and admirable advisors. I get a little teary eyed writing this, because you both always express concern and love for me. I respect the both of you so incredibly much.

Mrs. Johnson was my teacher in middle school and now she considers me a colleague and friend. I’m not even sure how to express how much that means to me. This woman is one of the most real and honest people I have had the pleasure to meet. As a teacher, she pushed me to strive for excellence, to be original, and to be the precious daughter of God that I am. She did not just teach me every day academics, but taught me life skills; not to let people talk down to me, to look beyond the hardships, to work hard, to have my work be something I can be proud of, and to do things with my head held high. Now, she is still offering me advice, and is still one of the most lovely people I know.

  

Pastor Joe, Ms Jen, and Mrs. Johnson— thank you for sharing with me, listening to me, loving me, encouraging me, and for being totally authentic with me.

Dearest Friends.

For the next few posts I’d like to talk about some people who are important to me; people who have contributed to the being that is me. They’re people that love me for me. They are people who I laugh with, cry with, argue with, and know that no matter what, they’re willing to talk with me, help me, and still love me; even with all my annoyances and imperfections. They are people I respect and adore.

Now, I love people. There are a lot of people I respect and adore; but the people in my posts have an extra special place in my heart—I know, you may think that’s unfair, but they just do.

It's important to express your love for those around you every now and then; let them know you love them, you think of them, & that you appreciate them.

First, I’m going to start with my very best friend, Ms. Adelle Samaha.

We met when we were 8 years old. We are now 23 years old and still going strong in our friendship. If anything, this is the strongest our friendship has ever been. She goes to Purdue University in Indiana, and I live in RI. So we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like.

It sucks having your best friend live away from you (in high school she moved to Connecticut from Pawtucket, RI), so we’re use to having some distance from each other, BUT it does not matter how long Adelle and I go without talking, we will always pick up where we left off and laugh like we just saw each other the day before. Adelle is smart, beautifully talented, blessed with an amazing singing voice, woman of God, strong in her faith, firm in what she believes, confident, honest, bold, hard working, and just all sorts of wonderful. She lifts me up, prays with me, encourages me, challenges me, pushes me, holds me accountable, and loves me. She is exactly what a friend should be. 

Adelle has taught me to step my game up-- that reliance on God brings you to a whole new level; new levels of love, trust, companionship, and new levels in life as a whole. 

Man, we vibe so well together, we gel like no other.  We’ve gone so strong for so long that there is no turning back now! It's so hard to put into words how grateful I am to have her as a friend. Adelle, thank you for being a sister to me.


& to all my other friends that love me, listen to me, are there for me, challenge me, talk to me, check up one me—I love y’all. THANK YOU: Kris, Cass, Jaz, Britt, Nicky, and Bri. Also, Thank you to the awesome couples who have been there for me as a beautiful unit: Barbosa’s, Tolleson’s, McWilliam’s, soon to be Braga’s, Gibb’s, and Rojas’.

   

    

                                                   

A Little Different..

            I’ve struggled with recognizing my intelligence. I know I’m not the smartest person around, but I do know that I’m a very good student; which in turn, will help me to be a very good teacher. I work hard and try my best in all I do. I know that GPA, certain context based knowledge, writing and reading skills, and other academic- based proficiencies are important, but what about the people who, that may not necessarily come naturally to? How about the ones who have to really try hard, but in the end, their heart, sweat, tears, and work went into it?

            For people like me, the good student, the hard worker, the not so smart ones can be missed sometimes. I am not ashamed to be a person that may not always be the sharpest tool in the shed, but give me some time and I’ll give you something I’m proud of and something I put effort into. I want to help those students. I commend those who can get things right away and who are the “smart ones,” but I also commend and applaud those who have to work a little harder to get it and who have to go that extra mile to understand; that’s okay. I know it’s okay, because that is I.

            We forget to recognize the effort put into things- we automatically just jump to what the end product is; what about the journey it took to get there? I have been encouraged to teach to a diverse population, which includes: race, gender, learning differences, religious differences, difference in opinion, and other differences. I fully take on that challenge of teaching to the differences, because I know exactly how it feels to be different. As a teacher I’ll embrace, teach, and encourage the differences. 

Some essay I had to write for something..figured I'd share it. 

xo

Above All Else...

I read this book. It took me a few months, because school limits my time to read books that I want to read. But months later, I finished it. Let me tell you, I have never had a book make me feel so many different things while reading it. I cried, laughed, felt sad, and even frustrated. I got emotionally involved in the book! 

This book is about a woman's, Gwen Brobst, battle with cancer. It focuses on her and her husband's, Don Brobst (yes, the author), journey through the thirteen months of her having cancer. This book is so raw and honest. Don gives first hand glimpses into all the different situations Gwen and him had to deal with. It also includes different journal entries from Gwen, their daughters, and son. This isn't a book of made up fluff, but real and forthright accounts that the Brobst family dealt with. He doesn't just talk about the cancer but he explicitly shares about his and Gwen's love for each other. Do you like those Nicholas Spark love story books? Pshh, read this and you'll know what a real love story looks like; a love story filled with difficulties, prayer, passion, joy, and honesty. Don brings the reader back, to the earlier days in their relationship, to family vacations, to him being sick in the past, and sweet moments with Gwen and his family. 

Reading about Gwen is mind blowing. Gwen seemed to be the perfect mix of strength and gentleness, sweet and fiesty, and firm and agile. Everyone she came in contact with, was touched by her. She didn't necessarily have to say anything to them (but she seemed to be able to start a conversation with anyone), but they were just touched by her demeanor; her infectious smile, beautiful hair, her dimple. It's funny how I talk about her like I know her, but that's how the book makes you feel! You close the book thinking you know Don, Gwen, even their kids and son in law--Wendy, Andi, Jonathon, and Jason (and I mean this in the most uncreepy was as possible, haha). I'm telling you, this family is beautiful and inspiring. Their strength, faithfulness to God and each other, and their love is something to definitely read about. 

I think the biggest thing I took away while reading the book is that no matter the circumstances, no matter the situation we are in, God must be glorified; above all else, God is to always be glorified. 

His will be done. 

Some of my favorite parts in the book:

" God says in Isaiah 40: 29 that He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. That's comforting, because that's me." - Gwen

" Yes, we matter to God. We count to him-- all of us." -Don

" I know who you are; you are the knight in shining armor running into the dragon's cave to rescue me. You are the warrior that climbs the tower to kiss me and take me away from the beast, You're the man my parents warned me about, the man I've always dreamed about...." -Gwen referring to Don

"Who is my dad? He is the first man who made me laugh...He is the first man who made me cry...He is the first man who took me out on father-daughter dates and taught me my worth in Christ's eyes...He is the man who disciplined according to God's Word...He is the man who not only taught about loving the Lord but also showed me how...He is the man who loves my mom more deeply than I ever could have imagined...He is the man who taught me that a marriage should be founded on the Lord..." - Andi referring to Don

There are so many great little things about the book. Like the way Gwen always called Don "mister" or the way everyone knew that Gwen was Don's girl, Andi always ended her posts by writing, "Pray for mom. She is Daddy's girl." It's little things like that, that i'm so glad they incorporated into the book. Those small details make the book so personal and intimate that it's hard not to want to keep reading, and loving each person that is mentioned in the book. What's cool about it, is that these people are not "characters" that are made up, but real people that exist and that are just as human as the rest of us. It encourages me to see that things are not easy at all, but with God...

With God, the circumstances change, perception changes...

Thank you Don for writing this book.

Expectations and Standards.

I hear conversations people have, I see what is on t.v., I read through magazines, and it is clear what people think is "good" and what their standards are. People today act on impulse. They go with what they feel at the moment. They have sex with whoever is available to satisfy a feeling they have at the moment. You know what people think is ok? Having relations with a man that already has a commitment to another women-whether it be a girlfriend or wife- and I'm not just talking about sex, but just flirting with them and clearly handing your heart over to them because you like to feel wanted and needed and heard. Society teaches us exactly what NOT to do. They have lost sense of purity, respect, and "goodness." People want to say that sex is no big deal, it's just something they do to satisfy another or themselves. It's just what people do. People talk about it so nonchalantly. We've lost the importance of intimacy, self esteem, respect, and vulnerability.

Listen, I'm guilty of a lot in the above. In my case, I tried to make myself think that intimacy was something that I'd worry about later in life, and that I can do as I please for the moment. I went off of feelings and did not ever think of the consequences or the way I'd feel about myself afterwards. It was not natural for me. I knew I was in the wrong, yet I continued to make stupid decisions and to just " go with the flow" and instead of being "difficult" and different, I just went with what I thought would be easy and not care. But really, I cared the entire time. I felt awkward, my insecurities were even worse, and I was uncomfortable, because I knew what I was taught. I knew what was right, yet I went against it and it would literally make me sick to my stomach. The more I would act on impulse, and go with what I "felt", the deeper I dug a hole for myself. At one point, I was drowning in my own thoughts, insecurities, sin, and loneliness. And i'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking the way people live their lives. People do not think, before they do. They just do, because "You only live once" and because, "I do what I want with my life." and because they've lost the ability to take responsibility for their lives. There is so much more to life...

" You shall know the truth & the truth shall set you free."
You want to know what my standard of truth is? God's very own word- the Bible. It's true, it's good, and it's what my life is meant to follow. It's not this big book of meaningless rules, but it's lessons, it's insight, it's the truth. Forget religion and the thoughts you have towards religion. I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about a meaningful and ever growing relationship with the Lord. I have a growing, beautiful, challenging (it's challenging because my own mind gets in my own way), and loving relationship with the Lord. I was so busy worrying about being sought after by a man and by other things in life, that I forgot that God seeks to spend time with me, and seeks to bless and love me. I just needed to do my part. I needed to surrender. I needed to be vulnerable with him. I needed to hand over all my ugliness to him, so he could make me pure and lovely again.

My heart aches for people loosing sight of themselves and loosing sight of how much more there is meant to be in life than what they make of it because of their own agendas.